‘Can We Still Be Friends?’

” If two past lovers can remain friends, its either they are still in love, or never were.”

The process of break-ups can be really excruciating at times, in fact at most times. Either one or the other will be hurting more, and have more difficulties moving on. Usually, the one who initiate the break up would be better off, while the one being ‘dumped’ would stay on the miserable end.

Often, we find ourselves in a position where we feel so confused and baffled in the midst of this experience, we just want things to return to how it is, and jump back into the arms of our ex-lovers despite all that ramifications. Hence, we start by asking one another, ” Can we still be friends? ” in hopes that things would get better along the way with the temporary comfort that we have secured.

However, would that be the greatest idea? Would that actually arise as a solution or another problem? Here we put together a few reasons for you to think this through.

In most cases, the 2 main reasons one insists on staying friends right after a break-up would be :

1. You’re not done dating.

Yes, you’re not done dating each other. You are undoubtedly still in-love with the other. You feel you haven’t had enough of your lover, and a break-up leave you hanging all of a sudden. At this moment, you feel upset and abandoned. No matter how much you tell or show that you’re okay, deep down inside you’re not ready to let go. That being so, you decide to stay friends because then you know you’ll at least still have him/her.

2. Comfort zone.

Face it, you’re angry, you’re sad, but at this moment the memories overcrowd your thoughts. Good times, bad times, don’t matter, the thought of this is the end kills you. This guy/girl knows every bit of you, your friends, and your family. He/she accepts you for who are and has become a part of who you are. You walk around in your tiny little panties or boxers when you guys are dating, and have pizzas on the couch together. You’re so comfortable around him that you want none of that to change. He is your comfort and you just want to be happy again. Hence, you tell yourself :  ’Hey it’s not too bad, we’re still friends.’

Darling, we know exactly how you feel. Nonetheless, holding on to this might do more harm than good. Here are the possible reasons :

1. A sign of hope.

One party will have hopes on getting back together, and the other would have already made up his/her mind. So this means in a long run, it would hurt even more. Conflicts and misunderstanding occur, and you might just loose the friendship that you guys had, and end up with nothing.

2. Jealously.

In such state of mind, and a fragile condition, although you both are just friends, anyone who gets close to your ex-lover will trigger jealously among you both. This applies to both. I mean, who would feel happy to give away something that was once so precious to you?

3. No Strings Attached.

I’m sure if you’re a chick, you would have watched ‘No Strings Attached’ & ‘Friends with Benefits’. If you’re thinking about being friends with benefits, be prepared that you’ll never be able to emotionally detached from one another. You be the judge, they both have the same ending. Thus, the same goes to you, you choose either you want to be together, or just stay away from one another for some time.

4. Extract ‘You’ from ‘We’.

When you guys were a couple, it is always ‘us’ and ‘we’. You two have become ONE. If you really want to move on and figure out who you are again, being friends will not help. What you need is clean break, spend some time apart from the one who was once so dearly to you, and set free.

All in all, we’re not suggesting that being friends with an ex-lover is not possible, neither are we saying that you shouldn’t stay friends. Be that as it may, when one is going through a break-up, what would be best is to first spend some time apart and reflect. Figure out what happened between you both and find yourself again. Until you do that, and until you feel you’re ready, you will not be in the right mind to decide what is best for the both of you.

No one said a break-up process was easy. However, life’s at such, if you would only keep an open heart and take it easy, who knows someone better is waiting for you out there. Always remember, you’re meant to do great things. Set free and heal, life’s too short to stay miserable forever.  

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