Real life testimonies, pros & cons, and handy tips to keep your heart and mind strong in surviving a long distance relationship
It is indeed one of the relationship issues that continuously sparks controversies. As the realists / pessimists would say it: long distance relationship (LDR) is no relationship at all. Yours truly made a vow to never commit to anything labeled ‘long distance’ after a bitter love experience at such a tender age.
‘Half of them don’t last, but never say never, huh?’ as quoted from a fellow woman. 4 years down the road, and I am surviving yet another long distance relationship. Look who’s talking.
For those who have been in a short distance relationship, the foundation between you two should be stronger when you really have to do an LDR. But, it is harder for you are so used to being around each other. What about those who commits to a long distance relationship right from the start?
Testimonies from a man & a woman who have committed to LDRs
Man: ‘We were going on great till she told me that her family was migrating to Australia. Needless to say, I was devastated, but I thought of what was best for her. So we agreed (to do long distance relationship -ed.). At times before she left, she was doubtful about us, but who wouldnt be?’
Woman: ‘We are of different nationalities. We spent most the first 2 years next to each other, until I was bumped with a visa problem. When all ways did not work out, I had to go back for good. It seemed like a terrible nightmare at first, but we managed to concentrate on both our jobs and stay committed to each other. We take turn to fly and spend the weekend with each other. It is still frustrating at times, but when you have found not just a boyfriend, but a man of your life, you will survive.’
LDR: Get some, lose some
Get some
- More family and friends time. Being in a long distance relationship means you have more space in mind to focus on other people that matter in your life.
- Climb those career ladders. Keeping yourself busy takes your mind off of grieving and moaning. The good news is, you get to be more career-driven.
- Independent woman. Some women are very independent while some get dependent on their lovers. A relative told me that she only really mastered driving after her boyfriend had to move to another city for work.
Lose some
- TLC. Hugging or kissing your lovers involve hours of driving or flying.
- Escort. Friday night movies are so precious, while bringing him to a family gatherings needs so much effort.
- Money. All those calls, flight tickets, or bus tickets could really cost you a bomb.
5 Handy Tips to Survive an LDR
1. Use social media to your benefits
Twitter, Facebook, and Skype are double-edged swords. They keep you connected for relatively free, but they are also the public announcers of your relationship. Use social media to communicate and not to moan / share personal details for the whole world to see. Although occasional rants are relieving, too much personal details could start rumours that will make it even harder for you to keep an LDR than it already is.
2. Stick to small, daily comitmments
If you have agreed to have a Skype date every day at 9pm, do inform your partner beforehand if your friends ask you out. Set your priorities right and take your promises seriously even when you are apart.
3. Communicate, communicate, communicate
If you are in a bad mood or he is angry at you for curious reasons, decide whether you are going to solve the problems now or tomorrow after sleeping it off. Make a commitment to solve every single problem and not sweep any of them under the rug waiting to explode.
4. Surprises are sparks
Spontaneous acts and surprises keep a relationship exciting and fresh. Make a surprise visit, craft a homemade video and send it to his email, or send him a goodnight voice note just to tell him you love him.
5. Involve him in things you do
Long distance relationships should thank technology. It is now so easy to take pictures of the new top you have just bought, or things you are eating. Involve each other in your daily activities so you both feel that you are constantly being a part of your partner’s life.
He says, she says
What men have to say about LDR:
“Before attempting being in a LDR, ask yourself; ‘Am I strong enough for this? Is this really going to work out? Am I being realistic about things?’. Because if you think that life is a fairytale and it applies to LDRs, think again.”
“With LDR, you just have to be optimistic, even if something doesn’t go according to plan, you have to look past it”
What women have to say about LDR:
“I am an emotional person and I get upset very quickly. But through times, I learn that when I am upset I should communicate my feelings to my partner so he can help. Avoid talking to men friends when you are upset for it could lead you to cheat even if you didn’t mean to”
“Sometimes it’s frustrating, especially when you can’t talk to him just because your internet connection is problematic. But I feel, real reassurances play in important part to look past it. My partner told me that he has confirmed to his parents that I am the woman in his life. Real actions could assure me that this LDR is worth fighting for and not merely a waste of time.”
Venusbuzz says:
Long distance relationships need full-force efforts from both parties. If you both have agreed to commit to it, take turn to be the strong partner when one of you is in doubt. Create a yearly schedule of meetings so you have something concrete to hold on to. Evaluate your relationship every few months or so – whether or not you should carry on being in a long distance relationship.
Self-confession: We are surviving, and rocking the LDR http://t.co/tlXy4jgD
We are doing more than surviving =) RT @ninahidayat: Self-confession: We are surviving, and rocking the LDR http://t.co/R99FvtL2 @venusbuzz
So cute! Rock on!