We explore the bane of smartphones in a relationship and argue: virtual cheating is not any less of a marital crime than physical cheating!
He is a family friend. Call him Andy. A hardworking entrepreneur, a husband, a father, and a grandfather. In his fifties, everyone can see that he still got it. It was a casual gathering when he told us ladies in passing that he met up with a woman friend from his high school time. The story went on with him showing his Blackberry chat log to me and a few family members with the lady he met earlier that day. They have been exchanging pictures, throwing pick-up lines, and arranging for a meeting when they are out of town without their own partners. While the confession raged us ladies, Andy innocently said that’s just how he treats woman friends. Besides, his wife does not really mind it. From then on, the supposedly family-friendly conversation turned awkward.
What defines ‘cheating’?
In a general context, cheating is defined as:
In Andy’s case, his advantage is sparks during marriage. Being married for a long period of time means you communicate and see the same person every single day for decades. And that, humanly speaking, could be a monotonous routine.
To break the boredom, some people would then turn to momentarily fun – could range from hobbies to prostitution.
While some insist that only sexual activities are considered as cheating, according to its definition, when you deceive and act unfairly to gain any kind of advantages – you are already a cheater.
The bane of smartphones
Smartphones make it very easy to connect with people: in between traffic jams or waiting in line, you could already seal a business deal.
When it comes to relationships, it is very easy to reconnect with old friends from another town, even another country, with a smartphone in hand.
This technological advancement, however, has created more rooms for people to make small talk, exchange virtual flirts, and so on.
They say humans are naturally weaker with temptations. In modern days, the temptation is defined as smartphones.
What should women do
In the case of men who believe they are innocent in virtual cheating, it is high time for women to put your feet down.
1. Have a talk, a serious one. When you’ve been married for a long time it is very easy to take lightly things your partner say. Make sure you both know that a serious talk is needed, and tell him how you feel about his virtual flirting.
2. No habits develop overnight. One’s values and life perspectives develop over one’s lifetime. Rewind your memories of his early relationship with parents, especially his mother. A man’s perception of women depends a lot on his mother-son relationship.
3. Revise the rules. Relationship conventions need to be updated and reviewed as things in life change too. If you don’t like him chit-chatting with female friends, put that in the mental rule book. And vice versa.
4. Learn the difference between being faithful and being a door mat. Marriage is based on faith and the effort to keep it alive. But as a partner you have every right to criticize and educate your partner for the sake of the marriage’s happiness. After all, mutual respect is what glues a proper relationship together.