Love & Sex

When you’re in love with your friend

You don’t get to choose who you love. You just fall.

What happens when you find yourself being secretly in love with another? Especially when it’s someone you see every day, someone who’s a friend or even your best friend. The fact that he is your friend makes it all the harder.

You want to tell him how you feel but you’re at loggerheads with yourself. If he doesn’t reciprocate, the friendship may end up affected or jeopardised. If he responds positively, then all is good in your world. But you will never know. At least not until you’ve tried.

To you he’s the best thing since Tiffany & Co., the only one who can tear you apart from your Wii and make you put off a day of shopping to have dinner with him. Every night you listen to Bruno Mars’ Just The Way You Are over and over again and think of him.

Your obsession with him doesn’t just stop there. You secretly follow his every move when you get a chance. You stalk his profile on Facebook and save pictures from his online albums to your computer. You bought an iPhone just to check on his every tweet every single moment of the day, no matter how silly he sounds when he tweets. Thanks to the wonders of technology you rejoice that you are now able to follow his every move and published thoughts.

Fast forward to present day. You’ve achieved nothing other than being conferred the title of ‘stalker’ by your best friends. You feel a tad pathetic and seem desperate to yourself at times, especially during these stalking sessions.

Yet there’s something endearing about it all. The fact that you care for someone so deeply, and you’re afraid of risking the friendship. The way you’re so passionate about it all…add your stalker like skills and I’m sure there’s a job out there somewhere that would fit your newfound skills perfectly!

A look at the other side

So he’s clueless that you like him. Or maybe he’s not.

To him you’re the good friend. The one that hangs out with him during lunch, gossips about everything under the sun, gives him advice, helps him with work…the list is endless and it seems that he doesn’t have any thoughts about anything at all possibly happening between the two of you. It’s not that he wouldn’t be interested; it may be he just never got around to thinking about it. Or maybe he had and dismissed the thought for the same fears you have. Or, god forbid, he sees you as a sister… gasp!

Not forgetting there’s also the probability that maybe he just doesn’t like you in that way.

So where do you go from here?

You know for a fact that he’s single and has no commitments elsewhere. But you’re too afraid to make any move. Yet you feel something must be done.

Whatever the outcome, either way you’ll never know unless you make a move. You may be able to stalk him online and watch his every move in real life, but it would be near impossible to get into his head and read his thoughts. Technology hasn’t got around to that yet.

So here’s the risk that needs to be taken…let him know how you feel. Build up your courage and prepare yourself for the worst. If he reciprocates, then your problem is solved and you both live happily ever after. If he doesn’t then you’d be happy that at least you took a chance.

Yes, there’s a definite risk to the friendship, but there’s always a risk with everything in life. If he understands and continues to be your friend with no signs of awkwardness between the two of you, then he is a true friend. But if he doesn’t and the friendship is affected, then you’ve no choice but to move on. It’s simply a calculated risk.

Look at it this way, you would probably find someone else whom you’ll learn to love and cherish. You will be able to focus on your future and all of its exciting possibilities. And while waiting for that to happen, you have plenty of time on your hands to find a new hobby now that you’ve stopped all that stalking business!

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