Things you should reflect upon before saying ‘I do’.
At a certain age when money is no longer an issue and you have a longtime partner, the ice breaker question you get gradually changes from ‘how are you?’ to ‘when are you getting married?’ As irritating as it is, we simply can’t run from it. The sensitive matter is further emphasised by the amount of wedding invitations we get. So our peers are getting married and the thoughts of choosing the wedding shoes, gown, and planning a party are helplessly irresistible. Should I jump into the ‘I do’ bandwagon too?
The choice is, of course, yours. But the true meaning of marriage is lost the second you rush into it. And is it really worth it to put your entire future at stake just to keep up with the society?
Below, we explore five things you should deeply consider before deciding on a marriage.
1. Characteristic issues
So you’ve seen him furious, frustrated and hysterical and vice versa. Does that mean you know each other well enough? To a certain extent, yes. You have passed the early stage of a relationship when not a single teardrop was involved. However, the challenge has toughened now that you need to explore the well-hidden emotions from what may lead you into doubting if you are the one for each other.
Oftentimes, our compassion for the other half fades when he reacts unexpectedly in times of crises. For example, when he turns into a sour loser upon losing a company tender to his peer. This is the reality of a relationship that you will face when you two do get into marriage.
Ask yourself: am I ready to stand beside him in his ugliest phase of emotions, and vice versa?
2. Career & financial issues
Being married means agreeing to share the salaries, settle the bills and compromise on shopping allowances. Although some couples open a joint account and do business together even before they get married, permanently sharing your financial system with another person is a whole new level altogether.
Socio-economic class will also trigger an array of financial issues in a marriage. Who brings home more money, who’s higher on the career ladder, who’s got more ‘class’ in the social circle – though such things may sound absurd to you right now, they increasingly threaten modern day’s marriages.
Ask yourself: have we reached a viable agreement about the financial and career arrangements when we get married?
3. Personal baggage issues
The saying ‘our past determines our future’ doesn’t ring true for many things, but relationship is not one of them. Being closely involved with another person to the point where he feels like our second skin rubs with our emotional past – whether we like it or not. Our childhood nightmares, toxic relationship experiences and the scars that remain after bitter encounter with others are, and would be, affecting our present relationship; creeping into our minds when we least expect it. All that, fortunately, could slowly be resolved if you are willing to share your baggages with your partner. A partner in need is a partner indeed, aye?
Ask yourself: Is there a secret I keep from my partner, and is negatively affecting our relationship? Is he keeping anything I should know from me?
4. Family issues
We all go through highs and lows in the relationship with our own family, and being in a serious relationship means having yet another set of family. Preferences aside, being a part of his family is in some sense trickier than meeting them for the first time – with 2-seconds judgement included. You are utterly lucky if his family treats you as a daughter, casually and unpretentious. But whatever the case is, you will have to be ready to face both positive and negative responses upon your relationship becoming official as the family ties grow tighter.
Ask yourself: am I ready to be a part of his family? Is my family ready to welcome him? (and vice versa)
5. Future issues
You’re the traveler and he’s the homey boy. Throughout your relationship, a win-win solution has always been reached, with both parties compromising with each other’s desires from time to time. Things would be different when you two get married, you would need his permission for a girls’ holiday getaway, or a personal retreat. On the other side of the spectrum, you may get annoyed that he doesn’t enjoy going out on the weekend and prefers to stay in to recuperate after a long working week. The same goes for every different interest that you two have.
Ask yourself: am I willing to sacrifice my hobbies at times just to spend more quality time with him? Will he do the same for me?
Marriage should not be treated like either a fairy tale or a nightmare, rather be seen from a realistic pair of goggles. Although we don’t know what the future holds, we owe it to ourselves to make sure the timing and the people (that means your partner and you!) are right before running down the aisle.
Disclaimer: VenusBuzz.com is not a marriage cynic, but a concerned old soul that despise unhappy relationships and divorces caused by the lack of emotional preparation from the parties involved. VenusBuzz.com bears no responsibilities for any advise taken.